you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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