If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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