I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
