hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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