God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just found a bag of teeth...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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