I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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