My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
