Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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