no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
