mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
