i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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