It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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