I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
