Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
