stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
