I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
