3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
