Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
