i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Less talking, more tequila
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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