So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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