Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
