dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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