and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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