hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
