You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
