she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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