How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I supernannyed him into submission
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
