He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
