You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
