soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
