R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
