I got chris browned last night
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
