Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
