He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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