I need to stop coming to work sober
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
