There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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