i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
