i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
