Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
