So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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