My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
