She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so much tequila, so little girl.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
