just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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