had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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