So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
