So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
