she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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