I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
