Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
