how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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