Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
